Tesla's new Roadster just drove upside down. Cool. Where's my 620 miles?

So it finally happened. Thursday night, SpaceX test site in Texas, nine years after the first Roadster rolled out of the back of a Semi, Tesla showed the real one. Then they drove it up an inverted ramp, hung it upside down, and brought it back down like it was nothing.

Honestly? Sick. Also not an answer to a single thing we've been asking since 2017.

The spec sheet (Tesla's numbers, not mine)

• Range: 300+ miles
• Top speed: 230+ mph (Rocket only)
• Price: still a mystery
• Deposit: $5,000 now, another $45,000 within 10 days
• When: "2028, actually". Musk's words, not a typo

What I love

It's a fan car. For the road. Tesla says the suction can hold it upside down even when it's standing still. That's Chaparral 2J and Brabham BT46B territory, the cars racing literally banned. And you can put a deposit on this one.

It's a toy, and they know it. A yoke built for steer-by-wire, magnesium, titanium, carbon fibre, two seats. Everyone else is building robotaxis. Tesla built a car that only makes sense if you love driving. Respect.

What's bugging me

1. The promise shrank. The 2017 pitch: 620 miles, 250+ mph, four seats, $200k. Today: about half the range, two seats max, and no price.
2. "Next year" has been next year since 2020. Then 2021, 2022, 2023, 2024, 2025. Now 2028. I'll believe it when I spot one.
3. The crazy numbers need thrusters. Sub-second 0–60 is Thrust (limited) and Rocket (not street legal). The one you can actually drive is the Performance. Under 1.6 s is still absurd, but still.
4. It's basically a scuba tank with seats. Tesla says every spare gap is packed with carbon-wrapped pressure tanks feeding the thrusters. And Musk has said safety isn't this car's top priority. Cool cool cool.
5. $50k to stand in line. Two payments, no price, three years out.

Verdict

The most exciting thing Tesla has shown in years, and the least they've ever told us. If it actually hits the road in 2028 anywhere near these numbers, it's the rarest card you'll ever spot. Until then it's a $50k bet on a really good demo.

Would you put the deposit down? Be honest.

Photos: Tesla. Figures as Tesla published them (its site, and its X thread as reported by Electrek). 2017 figures from Tesla's own Roadster page at the time. The safety quote as reported by TechCrunch.